Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
