Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
