i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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