dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
