I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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