C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
