To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
God, you're like boner-b-gone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
