Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
