we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
