he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
