So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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