it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
