Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
