Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Even my vagina gasped.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
