I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
