Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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