oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
