saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
