Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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