dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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