Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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