just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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