i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
