one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
