i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
