What did we do last night that was yellow?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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