giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize