"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
