Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
