that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
