And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
