I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
