My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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