Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
