I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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