A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
