we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
