My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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