I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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