We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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