Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A+ Viking dick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
