But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
