Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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