Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
