Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
