Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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