I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
