Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Randomize
