Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
