tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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