pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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