ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
