ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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