Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone came in the potted fern
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
