I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
