i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
