turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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