we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize