I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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