dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
