girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
