People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
