is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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