just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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