Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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