She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
