Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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