just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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