If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
