I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
