I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
