Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
