i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
