i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
