you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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