Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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