haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
