He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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