I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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