hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
