Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
