ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
