so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
