At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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