there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
honey bunches of taint.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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