"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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