She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize