is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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