So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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