Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
