i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
