I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
