Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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