Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
