I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You dont lie about slip and slides
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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