YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
