Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
