Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
