the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
