im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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