oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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