Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
