We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I love you.
Bad choice
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