So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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